****** This post is going to give a lot of personal information. If you don't want to know the details or are feeling judgmental, please don't read any further.
I'm not normally a tell all on FaceBook or my blog, but this last week has been the darkest, most miserable week of my life. And I just got some of the best news I've ever heard so I have to share.
I've suffered from anxiety/panic attacks my entire life. My first panic attack was when I was 7 or 8 over the fear my mom would die. It had been nagging at me for months, then one night I broke down in the kitchen. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't explain myself. She thought one of my hamsters had died. All I could manage to blurt out was "I don't want you to die".
Since then I've had general anxiety and panic attacks during situational events, stuff like flying, public speaking, pretty much whenever I can't "get out" of a situation immediately. I've pushed through it because I'm a first born, stubborn, goal oriented, fear will not hold me back person. I learned some coping techniques and occasionally take an anti-anxiety pill. (It had been 6 months since I'd needed to take anything until last week. You have no idea how proud I was)
Jumping ahead to last week... I started feeling the sweaty palms and tight chest. Why?! None of the normal factors were present. Tight chest turned into feeling like hands were squeezing my neck. I was quickly hyperventilating, shaking uncontrollably and crying ( I am not a crier!). Curled up in the fetal possession begging for death. I couldn't eat anything. My throat felt so tight the food would literally not go down. I lost 5 lbs in 5 days. This was quite honestly the worst attacks I'd ever had. Nothing prior to this could even compare, and I couldn't answer the question why? I even had to leave work during one of the attacks, and I was convinced I was going crazy. I couldn't leave the house, what if I lost it in Target?! And the attacks kept happening, in the morning, after I had just woken up (no worries in sight), I'd turn into a crazed, pacing, sweating, bawling my eyes out loony. It just didn't make sense!
Coincidentally I also got a UTI last week, and a pretty bad one too. I didn't think too much of it, just a trip to the doctor and some antibiotics I'd be fine. (No I didn't mention the anxiety while at the doctors. Nurses are bad patients). Then today I noticed a pattern: anxiety in the morning, most dehydrated in the morning (bad for a UTI). Could these two be related? I called my doctor, and he said they absolutely are. The plan is to increase my anti-anxiety pills for 7 days and followup with him on the 7th day. Let me tell you I started crying again. Not because I was sad, but it confirmed I'm not going crazy. There is a reason I feel like this, and more importantly, there's a cure.
To go from thinking I might need serious psychological help to it being blamed on a simple UTI is the best news I've ever received. I know there were a lot of people out there praying for me, and I can only give credit to God for allowing my mind to piece this together.
(Please don't be offended if you previously knew nothing about these events. It makes me very uncomfortable talking about this to anyone. I don't want to be viewed as feeble or weak. I have two of the best friends in the world who have stuck close to me over the last week and they really got me through the worst of it.)
Chicken & Wild Rice Soup
1 year ago
Mary, if you're not already, I'd recommend taking magnesium & potassium supplements. As you know, dehydration = low electrolytes, and I found out with my own ER experience that can mean your heart is less able to slow down on its own when you have an attack. I'm about as bad you've been with my eating habits, which means I need those supplements every day.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're on the upswing, but it can't hurt to take these as a precaution. (Plus magnesium helps with migraines.)
Another quick tip: when you're in the middle of an attack, an ice pack on your face and hands will help slow your heart.
Also, I *highly* recommend L-theanine & 5-HTP. I take both to regulate anxiety, and they're safe, OTC, and have no side-effects like sleepiness. Any vitamin shop carries them. Like you, I have my RX stuff as a last resort, but thanks to my little cocktail of minerals and herbal witch doctory [smirk] I only need it for extreme circumstances, like flying or going to the theater.
That said (and sorry to be writing a novel here), don't be afraid to take that pill when you need it. I was too proud to take anything prescription for way too long, and now I can't believe I put myself through unnecessary pain for no reason. When I realized that every attack increased my likelihood of having another, and also installed psychosomatic triggers making me afraid of the places where I *had* the attacks, I realized the medicine wasn't so bad after all.
I'm glad you're coming out of the yuckiness, and I'm glad you have friends standing by you. Please know John & I are always here if you need us. Or if you need a light re-wired. (Ok, so that's more John than me.)
Fortunately, I rarely have anxiety attacks and this last week has been brought on by the UTI (increased metabolism to fight the infection = increased adrenaline production.) So once my UTI has resolved and my body is back to normal I should be able to go back to my once in a GREAT while. I hadn't taken any xanax for 6 months prior to this and had managed to psychologically bring myself down from any potential events. If it continues like the last week though I would be more than willing to try just about anything. I have a week to figure that out, then see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI love you cuz and glad you figured it all out and are feeling back to "normal" now.
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