Fear

My husband is one of the trendiest guys I know. I have no problem going to him and asking for advice on an outfit or how to decorate the dining room table. He has an amazing eye for placement and spacing, much better than myself. So when he dyed his hair red (pink) you can imagine my shock. He said he wanted to do it before we have kids and he wanted to put himself "out there". OK. Cool. I went through my period of piercings and it was a fun stage. Everyone has their thing they like to do to be a little out there. My husband chose red (pink) hair.

Tuesday: Jordan, "I'm going to get my hair cut." Mary, "See ya soon!"

2 hours later: Mary, "OMG.... OMG." Jordan, "What?" Mary, "OMG OMG OMG"

My husband has a red (pink) mohawk. And no, I don't mean fauxhawk. So I came down pretty hard on the WTH were you thinking attitude. I was slightly over the "this is your thing" to say the least.

Then tonight, as we lay in bed and have those precious discussions in the dark, I understand. He is shoving himself into discomfort to get over fear. How brave. How admirable. He saw a fear, an uncomfortable situation, and he took it on head first (no pun intended). How amazing. I wish I was more like that.

Kitchen Reveal!

Wahoo! The kitchen is done. DONE. D-O-N-E. And I am loving it! Absolutely, completely loving it. So much so that I actually want to keep it clean. And my extra deep kitchen sink helps with that by hiding the dirty dishes. The final piece of the project was the back splash, and it brings everything together! I love it when a design project comes together so well. Since I was buying all my fixtures/finishes independently from each other, I wasn't quiet sure how it would turn out once everything was in one room. Yep, I impressed myself this time. And here are the pictures.

Lets not forget the before.

White formica counter tops from hell and

pickled oak cabinets.

And the after!

I painted the cabinets

Dried Thyme from Sherwin-Williams.

The tile back splash is from Overstock.com

It's lantern mosaic tile in a soft white.

Update: The link to the back splash.

The granite is from a local company.

We saved about $900 by going with this

granite since it was on sale and sold by the square foot,

not by the slab.

We were fortunate enough to already have nice appliances

that we had bought 2 years ago when we moved in.

I love the silver and white together.

I will probably change out the outlet covers

to silver also.

The door pulls and knobs are from Home Depot.

I was SO nervous about painting these cabinets.

I didn't want them to look painted,

but the finish turned out perfect.

We are getting ready to go out of town, so I haven't had a chance to write recently. But when I find minute I will be posting the step by step process I used to paint these cabinets. I had been weary of painting them, I was so afraid they would end up with brush strokes, but it turned out to be a lot easier, and prettier, than I expected. Point being, you don't have to live with ugly cabinets OR spend tens of thousands of dollars on new ones.

UPDATE: Here is the link for the tutorial on how I painted the cabinets.

Linking up: Jennifer Rizzo, who also has an amazing kitchen transformation

Christmas Party Mecca

Saturday night was Jordan's companies Christmas party. EA is known for it's all out, over the top parties, and the Christmas party is the mecca. It's normally held at Hard Rock Cafe with a huge dinner, show, and lots of alcohol for all the employees and their significant others. But due to the bad economy they have canceled that for the last 2 years. My hubby and a couple close coworkers took it upon themselves to throw a big Christmas houseparty instead. $1000 worth of alcohol and it was a darn good party. Jordan was the official photographer, which I love, cause we all end up looking like models after he gets done with his photoshop trickery.

Everyone got their picture in front of the

Holiday Tree as they came into the party

(Oh, did I forget to mention my husband

dyed his hair red? Well, he did.

I call him my cock now)

These are my two favorite party girls,

the Keene sisters

This is my BFF, Maribel.

Doesn't this photo look like it's an ad for a magazine?!

There were four bottles of Patron at the party.

We finished them all.

The guy in the middle was the owner of the home.

I guess this was our way of thanking him.

This was pretty late into the evening,

good shot of all of us girls.

Merry Christmas everyone!

I'm Not Going Crazy

****** This post is going to give a lot of personal information. If you don't want to know the details or are feeling judgmental, please don't read any further.


I'm not normally a tell all on FaceBook or my blog, but this last week has been the darkest, most miserable week of my life. And I just got some of the best news I've ever heard so I have to share.

I've suffered from anxiety/panic attacks my entire life. My first panic attack was when I was 7 or 8 over the fear my mom would die. It had been nagging at me for months, then one night I broke down in the kitchen. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't explain myself. She thought one of my hamsters had died. All I could manage to blurt out was "I don't want you to die".

Since then I've had general anxiety and panic attacks during situational events, stuff like flying, public speaking, pretty much whenever I can't "get out" of a situation immediately. I've pushed through it because I'm a first born, stubborn, goal oriented, fear will not hold me back person. I learned some coping techniques and occasionally take an anti-anxiety pill. (It had been 6 months since I'd needed to take anything until last week. You have no idea how proud I was)

Jumping ahead to last week... I started feeling the sweaty palms and tight chest. Why?! None of the normal factors were present. Tight chest turned into feeling like hands were squeezing my neck. I was quickly hyperventilating, shaking uncontrollably and crying ( I am not a crier!). Curled up in the fetal possession begging for death. I couldn't eat anything. My throat felt so tight the food would literally not go down. I lost 5 lbs in 5 days. This was quite honestly the worst attacks I'd ever had. Nothing prior to this could even compare, and I couldn't answer the question why? I even had to leave work during one of the attacks, and I was convinced I was going crazy. I couldn't leave the house, what if I lost it in Target?! And the attacks kept happening, in the morning, after I had just woken up (no worries in sight), I'd turn into a crazed, pacing, sweating, bawling my eyes out loony. It just didn't make sense!

Coincidentally I also got a UTI last week, and a pretty bad one too. I didn't think too much of it, just a trip to the doctor and some antibiotics I'd be fine. (No I didn't mention the anxiety while at the doctors. Nurses are bad patients). Then today I noticed a pattern: anxiety in the morning, most dehydrated in the morning (bad for a UTI). Could these two be related? I called my doctor, and he said they absolutely are. The plan is to increase my anti-anxiety pills for 7 days and followup with him on the 7th day. Let me tell you I started crying again. Not because I was sad, but it confirmed I'm not going crazy. There is a reason I feel like this, and more importantly, there's a cure.

To go from thinking I might need serious psychological help to it being blamed on a simple UTI is the best news I've ever received. I know there were a lot of people out there praying for me, and I can only give credit to God for allowing my mind to piece this together.

(Please don't be offended if you previously knew nothing about these events. It makes me very uncomfortable talking about this to anyone. I don't want to be viewed as feeble or weak. I have two of the best friends in the world who have stuck close to me over the last week and they really got me through the worst of it.)

Merry Red Christmas

I'm finally getting around to taking pictures of my Christmas decor. I was determined to be a good home decorator/blogger and go hardcore on the Christmas decor. Every piece has been moved to 5 different locations in the house. Some pieces were taken out all together. Others are just gonna stay there and have to deal with it. Do I sound frustrated? Good, cause I was. Breathe Mary, breathe. I'm happy with the way it turned out but I keep thinking how it's so temporary (Less than a month to enjoy this stuff?!). Conclusion, holiday decorating is (still) not my forte.

Some of the Christmas cheer is

minimal and understated.

Some festive votives in the living room.

Red and white amaryllis

(my favorite to decorate with)

in the kitchen.

This is the entryway table.

The mini-glitter trees are cone shaped

flower styrofoams that I used tons of

spray adhesive and glitter on.

The white tree is another flower cone

with a feather boa wrapped

around it and a cardinal perched on top.

I really had big plans for this cloche,

but nothing was looking right.

This is as good as it got and

I'm pretty disappointed.

Feels like "blah" to me.

I don't care what I put on my buffet, I always love it.

I think it has more to do with the wall decals and sparkly lamp.

My mantel has been my nemesis since we moved in.

It's so tall but not very deep at all so

I have always had problems filling the space.

I'll have to say, I'm pretty happy

with the way this turned out.

Now if I could just get it to transition over into

every day decor I'd be a happy girl.

And another picture of our beautiful 9 footer.

I love him but his constant shedding of needles is going to

send me straight to the funny farm.

PS Did you notice my pretty severe obsession with red?? I might have a problem.